7 tips for getting shit done when you have young kids (or are just really busy)
On Boxing Day I witnessed something extraordinary. I was in the kitchen of my brother’s family home where we stayed for Christmas, along with my sister-in-law, who was chopping up a delicious homemade coleslaw for lunch. Also in the room was her sweet little 13-month-old son, who – get this – happily sat on the floor bashing a wooden spoon around and being no bother whatsoever, while his mum focused on her task.
I could not believe my eyes.
The ultimate tip for being productive when you have kids: magically birth one who naps reliably and can be handed a whisk and a saucepan and left to amuse themselves for 45 minutes. If you have one of these, please don’t tell me about it in the comments.
Needless to say, I have never had this breed of child. I remember during endless lockdown days, when my mum advised me to “just get on with the cooking and the washing while the baby plays”. Sorry what? I have produced two kids who – in the time it takes me to make a cup of tea – will have emptied a cupboard of wine glasses, learnt to pull plugs from wall sockets and tried to wrap their hands around the hot metalwork of a radiator. I didn’t have to grasp too far for these examples, because they are all things my one-year-old did today. The tea never gets drunk.
Between one and two years old is a particularly insane age, but my older kid is high maintenance too. There is a lot of “mummy watch me… mummy KEEP WATCHING”, and much assistance is still required with playing, getting dressed and staying alive in general.
Essentially, young kids are bloody full-on. This means I’m constantly struggling with trying to get ‘my stuff’ done. Discussing New Year’s resolutions with my husband in the car recently, I said the one thing I’d really love to do is start writing this newsletter more regularly. But my kids don’t give a crap when I explain “Look, mummy’s Substack post got liked by the Jojo Moyes the other day – I could be on the brink of superstardom if only I had more time to write”. Whatevs mummy, go fetch us some more breadsticks.
In minor despair, I posted on the Substack app asking other parents of young kids how they manage to write regularly. The advice was so useful I thought I’d share it here, not just for fellow writers or parents, but anyone who is trying to get stuff done against the backdrop of an insanely busy lifestyle. Please feel free to add any more thoughts in the comments below – I need all the help I can get.
HOW TO GET STUFF DONE:
Never wait for the elusive free hour
How many of us are guilty of feeling that unless we have a good chunk of time to do something properly, there’s no point in starting it at all? It’s a constant stumbling block for me. However, most responses to my question made it clear that little and often is basically the only way to be productive when you have kids. It’s all about grabbing those small snatches of time when you can.
, whose content I am bloody obsessed with, said “I write in notes on my iPhone through the week – commutes with the buggy, naps, any window of downtime. Even if you get 70 words down here or there it helps. Then I pull it all together Friday or Saturday night after bedtime, reread on Sunday morning to make sure I haven’t lost my mind or it isn’t disjointed.”Katherine was certainly not the only one to recommend this approach; various others said writing line by line whenever possible was their go-to method. Chipping away gradually can be applied beyond writing newsletters of course - I also find it works for life admin. For those tasks, I have a to-do list on my phone, so whenever I get a free five minutes I don’t waste time wondering “oh what were those jobs I needed to do?” - I can just get on with it as soon as the moment strikes.
Use tech wisely
was among those who recommended writing on the Notes app on my phone and linking this to my laptop to make final edits – I often lose momentum because I’m faffing about between devices. From syncing Apple devices to making use of Google docs and having a shared to-do list, there is lots you can do to make technology (and therefore productivity) more seamless.Another very smart tech tip came from
who said “I used to record my voice into Otter AI on pram walks”. Otter AI is an excellent transcription tool that I’ve often used for interviews, but I’ve never thought of recording newsletters straight onto it. While we’re on the subject, one tip from me is to enable voice dictation on your phone, so you can wade through replying to a million WhatsApp messages while you’re pushing the buggy (on an iPhone go to Settings – General – Keyboard then toggle on Enable Dictation).Blast it out early or late (if you can)
Several of my responders said they write when the kids are asleep, either early in the morning or after bedtime. Leaning in to either your natural lark or night owl tendencies can be very beneficial. My older daughter has slept reliably until 7am for years, so as a natural early bird I used to wake up well before her (say 5.30am) to tick off some tasks and get myself ready for work before the rampage began.
Then baby number two came along and let’s just say his body clock takes after his mum. I literally cannot out-early the child. Losing my crack-of-dawn window is a real blow because it’s when my mind works best – I have to really force myself to write after my brain starts disintegrating around 6.30pm. Instead, the evening is generally for manual jobs that require zero brainpower. However, if you’re like my husband and get a (frankly incomprehensible) burst of energy around 9pm, make the most of it.
Obey the timer
This tip didn’t actually come from my Substack post, but I was talking to a mum friend recently who said that she sets herself a 20-minute timer after the kids are asleep in which to do housework, after which “whatever isn’t done doesn’t get done, and I watch TV”. This struck me as genius, because my chores often drag on all evening, then I suddenly become furious because I haven’t had five minutes to relax in the entire day (let’s ignore the fact I don’t think I’ve properly relaxed since about 2011).
The timer technique is already how I get much of my writing done. I set a 25-minute timer on my phone and promise myself a break at the end (I believe the fancy name for this is the pomodoro technique). Of course, this doesn’t really help you find a free window in which to work, but it might be a motivating factor when you’re feeling knackered post-kids’ bedtime and can tell yourself “If I just work until the timer’s up, I’m allowed Netflix and a raid of the chocolate cupboard”.
Diarise child-free time
For years I’ve been diarising my workouts at the beginning of each week, whether that’s booking in exercise classes or working out free slots where I can go for a half hour run. Now I have two kids, this fitness-planning is a joint endeavour with my husband, but I’ve never thought about booking out slots for writing or other creative pursuits.
Wise words from
, who says “If there is something much bigger I want to write my partner takes both kids out for a couple of hours”. I need to start doing this. Of course, it does mean returning the favour in kind, but that may be worth it if it means you’re not both being driven mad with frustration at the jobs you can’t tick off.“Prioritising done over perfect”
Not sure I need to elaborate on this one. I’ve lifted the advice directly from
because it speaks directly to my soul, which always wants to do just one more edit.Remember it will get easier
It can feel incredibly frustrating when your wings are clipped by the domestic load. As
said in her reply “It used to kill me when it was all there and I knew if I had two hours I could bash it out”. But many lovely people reassured me that once you get through the stage of having very tiny, very needy kids (fingers in plug sockets etc) it does get easier to find time for yourself.Maybe one day I’ll get my gym muscles back. Perhaps I’ll start racing through a novel every week again. You never know - I might even manage to get this newsletter out regularly, instead of its current schedule: once in a blue moon. At least I’ve squeezed in this last one for 2024.
This was such a validating read, Sophie! Thanks for the reassurance and vote of confidence that progress can come in tiny bursts, I feel like I needed to hear that!
I feel so seen. Thank you for writing this!