I had been led to believe that Joe Wicks could do no wrong, so was shocked to read (via thejuggleuk) that “Joe Wicks is under fire for a ‘gross’ post about his wife’s post-partum body”. Wowzers, I thought, what’s it going to be? Has he been posting lewd comments and aubergine emojis? Talking about her getting to a specific dress size and weight?
I could understand people’s outrage if so, but when I clicked on the offending post, I found it was a little more nuanced than that. Although Joe praises his wife Rosie for looking “phenomenal”, he mainly applauds her commitment to rebuilding her “strength and fitness” since having a baby six months ago. “She exercised all the way through her pregnancy with Leni and has really stepped up her training in the last 6 months to rebuild her strength” he says, adding that this is extra impressive because their baby has never slept through the night.
“She’s lifting heaver weights than ever and is in the best physical and mental shape of her life” he adds, saying that Rosie “really pushes herself” during her three 45-minute weight sessions a week.
Now obviously, part of me is like oh please go away, I don’t want to read about your hot wife getting even hotter, especially while I sit here in ancient leggings and a sports vest having done no actual exercise today. I read a great quote from Sophie Winkleman (aka Big Suze) the other day, saying “Instagram should be called ‘My life is better than yours’- that would be a more honest byline”. Many commenters, especially mums, seemed to take Joe’s post as saying ‘My wife is better than you’, and berated him for holding up unrealistic standards that would make new mothers feel miserable.
But actually, as I scrolled through the comments, I found a lot of them more irritating than the original post. Mainly because I am totally fed up of the narrative that being pregnant and having kids means you simply have to accept looking like sh*t for the rest of your life, and put all your needs (particularly your health) at the bottom of the pile.
It starts in pregnancy, when people make concerned noises about you doing anything other than breathing exercises in case you “harm the baby”. After looking at the actual research on safe exercise, I carried on with most forms - running, weights, spinning, swimming etc - well into my third trimester, not because I’m superwoman, but because I wanted to be fighting fit for the birth and subsequent recovery. As an active person, I would’ve gone fully nuts if I’d allowed myself to believe that I could only do some (boring) pregnancy yoga and a bit of light walking for nine months (admittedly I was lucky not to have the extreme nausea/hip pain etc that make this necessary for some people).
So I’m actually pleased Joe has flagged that’s it’s possible to workout during pregnancy, but should he - as many commenters have suggested - have acknowledged his wife’s privilege in being able to exercise?
I do understand this argument – you can see my previous rant here about how the idolisation of ‘super mums’ never explores the extreme privilege that allows them to be so wonderful. This very week I’ve been forced to chuck out my usual workout routine because nursery has an Easter break (we’re on the 24 hour countdown to reopening, hallelujah). I know the deep, deep frustration you can feel if you want to look after yourself but don’t have the time.
And yet… I also think that mothers should be more empowered to claim this time for themselves. In Joe’s post he says Rosie is doing three 45-minute workouts a week. Most of us, if we don’t have a completely crap partner, should be able to get a few weekly slots of time to ourselves, but I think a lot of mothers in particular feel too guilty to ask for that time, because everyone suggests (like those commenters on Joe’s post) that mums should be prioritising everything else over the frippery of their own health and bodies. And yet it makes such a difference. Just ask the much higher percentage of men who somehow find the time to exercise.
True, we don’t all have a fully-equipped gym at home or a personal trainer for a husband like Rosie, but I also believe that generally when it comes to exercise, the old adage “where there’s a will there’s a way” is true – you just have to get comfortable with putting your health first occasionally. And if you want my number one tip for doing more exercise it is this: schedule, schedule, schedule. Sit down with your partner at the beginning of the week, calendars open, and schedule exactly when each of you can get those workouts done. This is a guilt-free endeavour - a happy, healthy mum is the best gift you can give your kids.
Hmmm I’m not 100% in agreement here. I think he’s actually overdue a tone deaf post like this as he’s been teetering on the edge of it for a while. The issue for me is that he is touting constantly that moving your body is good for your mental health and mood. That’s great but then he chucks a before and after of someone’s stomach and the weight they’ve lost. This is merely feeding the diet culture/thin ideals that are already out there and actively damaging mental health in a major way.
This post then cross sections with the ridiculous ideals that are put on new mums who are suffering some of the following societal expectations: breastfeeding on demand, loving every minute with their baby, being loving/sexual partners and ‘snapping back’ to their former bodies. Whilst also going through PND, a loss of identity, not working, post birth complications and trauma, not recognising anything about their new body and lack of sleep. Oh and none of your clothes fit! That’s a lot of mental sh*t to handle and so Joe Wicks then wading in with some ridiculously amazing photos of his wife’s abs and the tone being ‘if she can do it so can you’ is putting a lot of pressure on an already struggling new mum who may want to prioritise something else for themselves with their precious ‘me time.’
I think some alternative messages which would get the point across that you Sophie have made would be: ‘here’s how you partners can better support new mums to get time to themselves to exercise or sleep or do whatever they need’ or let his wife write the post where she talks about why she has chosen to try to exercise more for her mental health post partum or even just include the tips you have in your newsletter whilst acknowledging that everyone has different obstacles like shift working partners or no partners or financial struggles or returning to work or access to gym equipment/post natal safe work outs.
The reason it seemed to tap on an already frayed nerve is that it is. For centuries women have been expected to get back into shape for the sakes of their husbands. I personally was asked by two doctors about getting back to my pre pregnancy weight within three months of birth with no mention of how I might be coping mentally. It felt terrible.
So I agree that mums need more support to get time for themselves/prioritise themselves but I disagree that this is what Joe’s post achieved. Instead I fear it added yet another unrealistic thing to do on a new/tired mum’s already long list.