Several Saturdays ago at 11pm, I found myself reading a Mumsnet thread entitled ‘How high can a Rottweiler jump?’
It was the first night my husband had gone away and I’d been left alone looking after two children. Clearly, the sense of responsibility made the anxious part of my brain go into overdrive, which manifested itself in a sudden belief that my neighbour’s dog was going to pole vault over the fence and EAT MY CHILDREN. I know.
I also spent a few minutes peering out of my daughter’s bedroom window working out how rescue both children in a fire (conclusion: jump first and then let them use my carcass as a crash mat), as well as checking all the wardrobes in case a murderer had been hanging out in there all day.
When I told my mum mates about this, you might think they’d be concerned for my sanity, but the resounding response was ‘Yes, same’. It turns out we all go completely nuts when it comes to looking after our kids, especially solo. And Googling frantically for the answer to any parenting woe is a common hobby. Are you even a millennial mother if you don’t regularly find yourself spiralling down a Mumsnet rabbit-hole when you’re meant to be winding down for bed? Apparently not.
The problem with parenting in the digital age is that there are too many opinions available on every aspect of child-rearing. Once upon a time people sought advice from their mums or maybe a parenting book – now you can Google ‘how do I make the toddler wear trousers?’ or ‘why won’t the flipping baby sleep?’ and discover endless forthright declarations about you simply must and mustn’t do, each of them contradicting each other. It’s enough to send any nervy parent into overdrive. Indeed, I’m convinced it’s why there’s a boom in ‘consultants’ for aspects of parenting like sleep and feeding – we will pay hundreds of pounds for one authoritative person to tell us the right way, instead of having to sort the wheat from the eternal internet chaff ourselves.
Despite knowing all this, I repeated my regular mistake this week, reading everything the internet had to say about eczema. I was unaware of what a complete bastard this skin condition is until I had my first child, who has been driven wild by it for years, despite several courses of steroids, daily Piriton, endless full-body moisturising and an expensive subscription for skin-friendly washing tablets. I have also spent a fortune buying literally every recommended body lotion or bath product I’ve read about on Mumsnet, with commenters brazenly declaring ‘ this will definitely sort eczema out’ – and it never does. In fact it’s only this year, with the help of (surprise, surprise) a private dermatologist, that we’ve managed to eliminate my daughter’s eczema, at which point it popped up on the baby instead. And once again, I find myself frantically seeking answers on parenting forums, even though I know full well that there are almost as many triggers for eczema as people who have it.
Sometimes I wonder if it was easier in the pre-internet days when we didn’t have all this information at our fingertips. When I was a baby and decided to cover myself in wall paint, for instance, my freaked-out mum just took me round to the corner to the pharmacy where they laughed and told her to give me a bath. I bet Google would’ve come up with some more fanciful suggestions.
Not that the internet is always terrible for parenting, of course. It’s mega helpful being able to quickly look up trusted sources like the NHS website, and I love being in Whatsapp groups with mums I know aren’t nutters in order to get some reassurance and good advice.
But really I must control my digital consumption, rather than fuelling my parental anxieties via Mumsnet forums or allowing Instagram ‘experts’ to convince me that I’m doing everything wrong. Do I really need to know that a random woman in Taunton thinks Rottweilers can jump 6 foot in the air? Probably not, but you will understand my relief when, earlier this week, my neighbours sent a message to announce that they are moving house.
Highly relatable content, Sophie! 👏🏼❤️
Hahaha