Hi guys, it’s been a while!
Six months in fact. During that time I’ve often thought ‘I must start writing my newsletter again’, but then I get distracted by important things like scrolling through the H&M new in section and watching Race Across the World. Also, raising two kids, which it turns out is very time-consuming. In fact, the only reason I’ve managed to write this is because my baby started shouting at me at about 4.45am and I couldn’t get back to sleep after feeding him, which means I’ll probably keel over at some point this afternoon.
How on earth do some women get more productive after having a baby? I follow people on Instagram and Substack who pump out reams of posts mere days after giving birth, a time when mere mortals are pumping only breastmilk and the TV remote. It’s certainly impressive, but personally I have a more achievable goal during my second maternity leave: having a jolly good time. Because, after the drama that was mat leave number one, coinciding with lockdown, this feels like a redemption period – a chance to have the ‘new mum’ experience I was denied back in 2020.
I probably don’t need to bang on again about how shitty I found that first mat leave, but here is a basic summary
- Worldwide pandemic
- Lockdown with no family or friends
- Adorable but mad baby who screamed all the time for a year
- Very limited medical help to find out what might be troubling the mad baby
- Feeling borderline insane and not even being able to calm myself down by having a coffee with a mate or a mooch around Oliver Bonas
At the time, I felt like it was just me struggling with the combination of baby plus lockdown - other new mums told me they loved the enforced baby bubble and enjoyed the huge bonus of their husbands working from home. How could I find it hard when I wasn’t home-schooling or trying to look after a two-year-old while doing a full-time job? More recently, however, I’ve spoken to many women who found becoming a mum in 2020 incredibly isolating, sad and scary. For some, the whole thing was so traumatising that they’ve decided not to have a second child. This is the kind of reasoning you don’t hear when politicians talk about women (always women) not having ‘enough’ kids – it’s because we’re uneducated on fertility or too busy focusing on our careers. There’s no mention of the women for whom giving birth in a mask and caring alone for a newborn left an indelible mark.
Unsurprisingly then, my first maternity leave left me anxious for round two. But I’ve been happy to discover that, although the physical and mental workload of having multiple kids is indeed intense, it’s balanced with a huge amount of joy. Partly this is thanks to the baby himself, who is gorgeous, and seeing how brilliantly my daughter has taken on the role of fun big sister. But on a more selfish level, I’ve also relished embracing the mat leave that I missed out on first time round.
While 2020 was characterised by entrapment, this time I have a real sense of freedom. That might sound surprising seeing as I always have a baby about my person, as well as being responsible for all my daughter’s pick-ups and drop-offs, but after years of answering to a boss it feels pretty liberating to be my own manager between the hours of 9 and 3. I can do whatever I want, as long as I can cart a baby along. Last Friday, for example, my main goal for the day was ‘having a pootle around the big M&S’. I mean when else in your life can you do this?! Certainly not when the baby starts moving and has his own opinions – in this sense under-ones are the sweet spot.
Another big plus of my redemption mat leave is the social side. I’ve got some lovely new mates! In fact, I hadn’t realised what a truly excellent friend-making device a baby is until now. When I was off work with my first baby, my social interaction with other mums was limited to House Party calls with my NCT group, and although they’re lovely people, talking through a screen left me feeling depressed rather than uplifted. Now I get to waft around having coffees, long lunches and walks with all manner of interesting women. The nosy journalist in me could not be happier.
I’m even enjoying the naff activities. Pay £15 to wave a bit of foil in my baby’s face in a church hall? I’m there! Enrol him in swimming lessons even though his coordination does not yet extend to sitting up? Sure! The little guy and I have a full-on schedule of classes and social meet-ups. If there was a multiple choice quiz that determined your maternity leave style, my answer would definitely be ‘on the go’, which is probably why I found 2020 so dreadful.
I’m a bit sad for my older daughter, who didn’t get to bounce around South London with a cheerful mum in her first year (although in fairness, it doesn’t seem to have dimmed her light). Having the proper mat leave experience has also made me reflect on things I lost first time round that I didn’t even realise I was missing – mainly the camaraderie and companionship this period can bring. But I’m very lucky to get this second chance. And, if my husband needs an explanation for why yet another twenty quid has left the joint account to wend its way to Mum & Baby Pilates or a nearby brunch venue, then please darling – see above.
So good that you’re having a great time this round! Makes having another seem more tempting eh?